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♥ Wednesday, September 03, 2008

what i really think.

many people asked, "why did you disappear for so many days?"
i told them, "i wanted some time on my own, and this is a test on how much people needs me and how much i need others."
any normal being will see this as the so-called attention seeking.
most people thought i was just being the usual emo,
(someone please define emo to me, please.)
but attention seeking never strike me at all, not a bit.
im serious.

all i thought was to give myself a challenge.
and this challenge is not all about me,
i wanted to test out the human nature.
then you will ask me, "what for?"
i cant explain.

i just want to see the world in another perception,
in a way people will not see it in.
the human mind is just so complex, yet so interesting.
it's like a world on its own.
how does people have feelings?
how does feelings affect people?
how does feelings control the mind?
and i wonder.

what is emo?
what does emo have to do with me?
emo is not equivalent to emotional.
i think the current world is getting things all wrong.

then i began to wonder why am i emotional.
as i was sorting out my thoughts,
i came to realise it was due to sensitivity & being observant.
you tend to see too much things,
things people might neglect but still obvious to yourself.
then you start pondering over it,
when it gets too much, you find yourself inside this world of your own;
dwelling into your own thoughts.

im still searching for a way to turn this characteristic into a positive one,
negative feelings make one sick.
maybe thats why im getting it too often.
but when i get sick, i start to think deeper,
and i get out of my negative emotions,
just like now.

if you think this post is emo,
then i guess you're not so much of a thinker,
you see things on the surface.

well, i can prove once again that im not your kind of emo.
i smiled, cos im glad i am not that old me.
the one i had missed so much because i was unhappy to be the present me,
as i have to start thinking of others before myself.
now, it's different.
i've straighten out my thoughts,
the present me can be happier.

if i really lost a friend to the nonsensical emoness people talk about,
then i guess that's not a real friend.
maybe i should be glad i see it through early enough,
maybe if you see this post, you might understand things better.

you dont need many good friends,
and im not that kind that have many friends around me.
because, if you're my friend, i will want to treat you well wholeheartedly.
maybe we are different.
i can give my entire time to a few people,
as long as they treat it well.
i can take the burden & share the happiness of my loved ones,
even if i am in the greatest pain.

for once, i feel that im not living for others.
everything became meaningful.
happiness is a chain effect,
if i can make just 3 persons happy and they can spread the joy,
i think it can make the whole world a better place.

if me losing you makes you happy,
i can smile once again.
thanks, my friend.

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loved; 4:28 AM

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peishan; 101190; scorpio
ngee ann poly graduate; business studies

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